Me Three Years Ago

An open-ended conversation featuring God’s delays

Two weeks ago, a bumped into a friend who presented me with an opportunity that was birthed from a conversation we had a month ago. He told me that the gears were in motion, and that it was just a matter of time.

I was both shocked and flustered about what was going on. I couldn’t believe that he actually did something about our conversation. Desperately hoping for a punch line, I told him that it wasn’t a funny joke. He responded that it really not a funny joke and that he wasn’t joking. I was disoriented for the remainder of the day.

But two weeks later, tonight, I find myself going back to that conversation once more.

October 2016

This was something I wanted three years ago. Every year, there would be just that one moment where the opportunity would present itself then slip away just as quickly as it came. Every time that happened, I was resolved that this was definitely a closed door… until another one popped up again.

Me three years ago would’ve been elated. Me three years ago would’ve thought that this was it. Me three years ago would’ve done her best to not let this pass without giving it her all.

November 2019

But tonight, I find myself over the initial shock and fluster. I am over wondering and obsessing over the turnout of this. And surprisingly, I find myself not excited about it. It feels like I have finally removed the glasses I’ve been wearing for the last three years and am now placing it hidden in a bedside drawer. It feels like waking up after oversleeping. It feels like freedom.

And I can’t help but be amazed at how God only let this happen now, three years later—

How He held Himself back because He knew that perhaps this isn’t what I needed all along, or what I was looking for all this time. That I wasn’t ready then, and that this would only wreck me if it happened earlier than it should. He just knew.

In the last three years, He was busy birthing just so many things in my life and in my heart—that I just had to see it His way before this came to be.

Given this, is it possible to think that not everything that God delays is His plan for me? Or that what I’ve been waiting for looks nowhere close to what His real promise is for me? (On a side note, we already have His promise.) Can’t I simply call it like it is—the point being that God moves and He is in control, whatever the outcome may be?

Years from now, even if this plan never sees the light of day, I would still thank God for the journey He had taken me through these three years. Because this not only let me know Him more, but also discover how much He knew me more.

His ways are always higher.

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